Dear Woman In A Relationship

I am so happy for you and your new-found love. You are happier than usual, grinning from ear to ear, and you have been flaunting a side of you that I’ve never seen before. It’s beautiful! But what I wanted to talk to you about is something that has been bothering me since you and your boo started dating. Don’t kill the messenger; these are just my observations.

You consistently cancel dates with your friends. 

On Saturday we had a plan for a girls night out. You know dinner at an ethic restaurant followed by a Spoken Word Night at Apache Cafe? Our plans were set and about 2 hours before our intended meeting time, you cancelled on us. Your reason? To go out to dinner with your boyfriend. Now, I know that he’s your boo, but we had these plans arranged before he called. As a matter of fact, we were here before he was. Would he have done the same for you? Don’t think so. Most men hardly ever cancel an outing with their boys because their girlfriend called. Would you like someone doing that to you? Nope. We didn’t like it either.

You no longer share your own opinion.

You used to stay abreast on the latest news and have a strong opinion about politics and international affairs. When we spent time together, we would talk for hours about those things.  Searching for the best restaurant in town used to give you such a thrill and you would Yelp about your experiences afterwards. Nowadays, I can’t even ask your opinion about a restaurant without you expressing his opinion tooI’m sorry, I asked your opinion, not his.

You no longer have an interest in doing the things that once made you happy.

Monday night kickboxing, Tuesday night belly dancing, Wednesday night Bible study, Thursday night poetry. Girl, your weekly schedule was packed! I understand that with the presence of a man in your life, somethings would change but I’ve noticed you only do what he wants to do. In the 15 years that we’ve been friends, I never knew you to be a sports fanatic. In fact, you never followed football or even knew what teams were playing in the Superbowl.  On the rare occasions that we did find ourselves at a Superbowl party, you would be in another room playing Spades, completely oblivious to what’s happening in the game. The cool thing about being in a relationship is the opportunities you have to expand your horizons and be introduced to the things that he enjoys. But that doesn’t mean you should lose yourself in the process.

You share intimate details about your love life in public.

Flirty comments about how good your man looks in his Facebook profile pic: sweet. Calling him the name of a superhero on his Facebook status: not so much. I know we’re close, but no one wants to know the names you call each other in the bedroom; no one wants to know the type of activities you two engage in when no one is looking. And most importantly, no one wants to know when you got some. Take a hint from your man. You see how he sparingly he posts intimate details about your relationship. There’s a reason for that; follow his lead

You are now an expert on all things surrounding relationships.

Ok, so you got lucky in the Love department. But that doesn’t grant you a doctorate degree in the area of Love and how to find it. Everyone is different. Everyone is looking for something different. You may be an expert on your relationship, but that doesn’t make you an expert on mine.

Women In A Relationship, I want you to have a happy healthy relationship. Explore your own interests and be protective of your special friendship. And finally, and I say this sincerely, spare me on the I-Know-It-All-Cause-I-Snagged-A-Man attitude. It is not flattering.

I’ve written this letter in the nicest way possible, but what I really want to say was so well articulated by Jozen Cummings, writer of the blog, “Until I Get Married.” I’ll direct you to his blog to supplement my message. Please click here.


Yaa Yaa


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