Confession: I am extremely hard on myself.
Seriously. If I am broken-hearted, I expect my wound to heal within 2 months. If a significant change occurs in my life such as job loss, relocation, end of a friendship or relationship, I expect myself to bounce back immediately, grin and bear it and never shed a tear. After all, crying is for babies and I am a NOT a baby. I am a SuperWoman. Heaven forbid that I make a mistake, for I am perfect. My parents boast about me; my friends look up to me. My brothers adore me. My enemies envy me. Mistakes are for losers. And I am not a loser; I am SuperWoman
SuperWomen don’t make mistakes. SuperWomen do not cry, and if they do cry they will never allow one to witness it. SuperWomen are not vulnerable; they don’t need a man. They will never allow themselves to be vulnerable and let a man know their most private thoughts, feelings, and insecurities. SuperWomen have all the answers. They never seek advice.
In fact, it’s difficult being a SuperWoman. Smiling when all you want to do is break down and cry. Listening to a friend’s problems when you feel you have no more energy to comfort or even sympathize with her issues. Working hard day in and day out trying to prove that you are just as good as the next guy and girl. Showing men that you got yours, you are an Independent Woman. Paying your own bills on time, and buying what your male counterparts couldn’t even afford. Feeling embarrassed when you make a mistake and then feeling lonely because you feel that no one will relate to you.
After all, you didn’t think a SuperWoman could ever be (dare I say it?) weak.
Recently, life circumstances have brought me to the realization that I am not SuperWoman. I am, in fact, Human. Therefore, I am fully capable of doing the following:
- To fall in love and act a bit crazy
- To cry sometimes. To even let out that ugly cry. You know, the cry when tears and snot run down your face simultaneously. You gasp for air every few seconds. And just when you finished letting it all out, you start hiccuping. Y’all know what I”m talking about?
- To be lonely and want someone to hold me
- To not be able to do it all and please everyone in my life
- To say “no” to a request
- To ask for help or seek advice when I don’t have all the answers
- To make the same mistake twice
- To hang on to something that I know I should let go.
I used to think I wouldn’t fall in love and act like BOZO like some people who are walking around me with ogling eyes. Boy, who was I kidding?
And you know what the most surprising epiphany after all these experiences was? It is OK to be human.