This post was originally written on October 18, 2010 while I was living in Richmond, VA. My living arrangements have changed since then, but the message is still the same.
Anyone who knows me will know how strongly I pride myself on being an Independent Woman. I have my own job; my own car; my own apartment; pay my own bills, on time and if there is something that I want, I pursuit it, passionately. At night, I got to bed at night satisfied and with a faint smile. Though exhausted, I always feel a sense of accomplishment. After all, I don’t need anyone to take care of me.
But what happens when my car breaks down? Or when I get a flat tire? Or a piece of furniture in my apartment needs to be fixed? What happens when I have to travel through questionable neighborhoods? Or when I just some company? Some companionship? Someone to laugh with? Share intimate secrets with? Or someone to give me a hug when my boss chews me out for the less-than-perfect report that I submitted?
Well this Independent Woman is not so independent during these moments. In fact, this Independent Woman is rather dependent. She needs someone to fix her car; change her flat tire, fix that broken bar stool in her apartment and travel with her through those dangerous neighborhoods. She needs someone to talk to; laugh with; accompany to her to dinner; and tell her that everything will be okay.
Face it: everyone needs someone to take care of them. And I think it’s important that the Independent Woman lets a potential boyfriend know that she’s not so independent. The whole I-Got-My-Life-Together-And-Don’t-Need-You act is actually male repellant. Men are not interested in the amount of degrees a woman has, the kind of car she drives and the fact that you really don’t “need” him financially. There are other attributes to play up when meeting men. Emphasize that charismatic personality; the fact that you enjoy theatre; the fact that you love spoken word and poetry, knowing all the words to your favorite pieces. Your interests, hobbies, personality (and of course looks) will attract men. As you get to know him, the fact that you are independent will come through, but it’s not something to brag about during your initial meeting.
I’ve never heard a man say to a lady (or a guy say to me, for that matter) “Gee, I like you because you are independent and you pay your own bills and you don’t need me.” Nope. Men are more likely to say, “I like you because you’re fun to be around and you know how to make me laugh.”
I am so sick of the media portraying Black Woman as lonely, angry and desperate. A recent video that has been posted all over Facebook and other social networking sites forced me to take a long took at myself and how I approach relationships. (See videohere.) And I am ashamed to admit that there was some truth to the video. I actually saw some of myself and Black girl friends in the clip. No wonder why some picky and inconsistent ladies are single! (I hate to say that; but it’s true.)
I don’t know why the media wants to pick on Black Woman so much, but I do know that some Independent Women should check themselves. Are you repelling potentially good men?