Ladies, a word of advice for when you are being pestered by a man you are not interested in. Tell him you’ll never sleep with him. Trust me, you’ll never hear from him again.
“Hey, how do you know this?,” You’re probably asking me. Well, I once used this line on a boy I was talking to, and afterwards, he stopped calling, texting, and facebooking me. It was almost as if he dropped off planet earth.
The Boy and I met at a social gathering in Atlanta. He was nice, asked me to dance, we talked the entire evening, and exchanged numbers at the end of the night. The conversation was excellent; he made me laugh and he met my Bare Minimum requirements. After several 2-hour phone conversations and over 250 text messages exchanged in 2 weeks, we finally went on our first date. The feeling was mutual; we were really interested in each other and wanted to get to know one another better. The only thing I didn’t like about the Boy was that he consistently made subtle hints to sex. Usually, I would switch the topic when he’d make a comment or I’d tell him I had to get off the phone. His comments were so frequent that I poked fun of him about it. See our conversation below during dinner:
Me: I was a little hesitant to talk to you initially. Men can be so occupied with the booty and not relationship minded, but when you told me you wanted to get to know me and pursue a relationship with me, I said “hmm maybe this guy is different.”
Him: Yeah, I’m a little different in that regard. Don’t get me wrong, I do want the booty, but I’d like a relationship as well.
Me: (Chuckles) The booty. Sheesh. So if I gave you the booty right now, would you take it.
Him: YEAH! I’d take it. (Starts pushing out his chair.)
Me: See! That’s something about men I’lll never understand (shaking my head)
We both laughed and I even teased him throughout the remainder of our time together. He had a good sense of humor, so he laughed at my jokes too. After our date, we made plans to attend a concert together the following weekend. I was thrilled with the way things were going until one day, I discovered the following text message in my phone, “How about we stay in a hotel after the concert we go to on Friday night?” I felt my temperature rising, and was about to give him a piece of my mind, but my phone rang. I answered and heard the calm and jovial voice of my best friend, “Hey,” she said, “What’s up?!” I told her what had just happened and she laughed. Like me, she was shocked by his text message, but unlike me, she did not make it a big deal. She convinced me to relax and gently tell him I did not want to spend the night with him in a hotel.
I agreed with my friend’s advice and casually responded to his text, “Haha no hotel.”
But even after that brief text message exchange, I still felt a bit uneasy about the Boy. I spoke with one of my favorite male cousins about what had just happened. He suggested that I tell him my stance on sex, “Just ask him a hypothetical question, ‘What would you do if I told you I was celibate?.’ See how he responds. It’s best to get everything out in the open up front.”
I reluctantly agreed and decided to tell the Boy how I felt about sex. He called me one evening while I was waiting for my niece to finish her dance class. He (of course) made a slight comment about sex and I took the bait. I laughed and asked him casually, “How would you feel if I told you I’d like to wait?” Being the comedian he was, he cracked a joke. I chuckled and in an even tone, I told him that I wasn’t perfect but my goal was to wait until marriage. I also mentioned that I liked dating men who respected my decision.
Silence took over our conversation. In our brief time of knowing each other, silence had never been introduced into any of our conversations, yet here it was and it stayed for what seemed like an eternity for me.
“Hello?” I said, for it had been so long since he had said anything, I thought we had been disconnected.
“Yaa Yaa,” he started, “We could be great friends, but I cannot remain celibate until marriage.”
Whenever a woman is rejected, her body always responds. She may feel a lump growing in her throat. Her knees may even buckle a bit. And she may even feel a hint of shock, almost as if the the rejection were apart of a bad dream. I felt all of these sensations occurring at the same time. And it was a little overwhelming.
“Okay,” I said, “That’s cool.”
We made light of the conversation. I told him how he had given me some material to post on my blog. I even thanked him for his honesty. I tried my best to sound like everything is cool, but deep down inside, I was very disappointed.
Although the Boy did not turn out to be who I had hoped, I was ready to be his friend. Weeks later, I was crushed when I realized that he was not serious about being my friend. He didn’t return any of my phone calls, text messages, and voicemails. He was completely avoiding me and cancelled dates that we had scheduled.
It was a painful realization to learn that the “C” word (celibacy) was instant male repellant. Why hadn’t I used this line 4 years ago on another boy who pursued me relentlessly for one year? It would have saved me so much time! (Sigh)
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