The Real Me

My Abuser (Part III): Tips for Dealing with The Inner Me

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This post is Part III of my “Abuser” series. To catch up on the series, click on My Abuser and My Abuser (Part II): Story Behind the Post.

Woman Distraught

Two months ago, I shared with you my struggles with low self-esteem. I mentioned that oftentimes I felt like my inner voice was verbally abusive and at times, I was difficult for me to cope. I challenged you and anyone else struggling with low self-esteem to find a way to overcome these feelings of inadequacy.

Recently, an S&T Reader asked me, “So how does one overcome low self-esteem?” I told her that it was difficult and although I was still on this journey, here was a list of things I do to conquer low self-esteem:

I challenge my negative thoughts.

The average person has about 60,000 thoughts per day. Negative thoughts produce negative results and positive thoughts produce positive results. For that reason, each day, I take a moment to listen to my thoughts. I write down thoughts that are inspired by anxiety, fear, or self-doubt. Writing these thoughts down give me a chance to see what I have saying to myself. Oftentimes, I will feel a bit silly because I will realize that the thought is absurd. Most of the times my thoughts are not based on anything logical; it is pure nonsense. How can I believe that at 27 years old I will never find a job? That’s crazy, especially since I have a rich work history and am I very intelligent.

Also, I am a spiritual person. Bible scriptures, prayer, and attending church are helpful to me as well.

Abuser III - Woman Sleeping

I sleep.

Fortunately, I am a busy body who only needs 6 to 7 hours of sleep per night. When I don’t get this amount of sleep, My Abuser, pops up. When I am tired, it is difficult for me to combat these thoughts and as a result, these thoughts stay with me. A good night’s rest gives me the strength to combat negative thoughts.

Negative People
I avoid negative people.
When I am vulnerable, I have to be very careful about who I associate with. There are certain people that I must avoid during these times  because if they say one negative thing about my plans, goals, or aspirations, I will begin to doubt myself. I also avoid people who are constantly telling me why I’ll never accomplish my personal goals.

Abuser III - Woman putting on Make up

Take care of myself.

I need extra TLC, especially during difficult times. Eating healthier foods, getting more sleep, exercising, and even spending time doing the things that I LOVE are crucial. Also, I try to keep my hair and make-up looking nice. It does wonders for my self-esteem.

Seek help.

Seeking professional help and support from family and friends has been very beneficial to me.  My supporters have put things in perspective for me and they will encourage me when I feel like giving up. Low self-esteem is one of the hardest battles that I have ever fought and I am glad that I have a strong support system.

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11 thoughts on “My Abuser (Part III): Tips for Dealing with The Inner Me”

  2. Thanks again for sharing. I would also say admitting the issue of negative thoughts is the first step to moving forward. I would agree that everyone combats negative thoughts and feelings about themselves and its incredibly difficult to realize you are not what the thoughts dictate but you are the one who hears them-an amazing and thought-provoking book that shared this concept is “The Untethered Soul” by Michael Singer.
    A day by day process that becomes easier I believe with each decade lol.

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  3. Cheers to you for examining your inner self in a way that makes you and your community better. I really hope that more women can begin this inner dialogue in a real way- there would be so much less ugliness and vitriol in the world. I am also glad to see another woman of color promoting professional help (i.e. counseling, psychotherapy, life coaching). 🙂

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    • I wish more people would begin this inner dialogue also, but I understand why they don’t. It’s some hard work. Facing your flaws can be incredibly painful. You’re right about there being less ugliness if everyone examined their inner self.

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  6. I really like this blog because it gives advice through examples on what you do to combat negative thoughts. There are some days that I feel overwhelmed by negative thoughts, and it kicks my confidence. I am blessed to have friends who encourage me through those tough times. Thank you for your post. Wilo

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