Him: Hi, How are you?

What You Want To Say: What in the world do you want? Oh Gosh, I’ve been thinking about you all day. Is that why you just texted me right now? Happens all the time. I thought about you and now you’re texting me. Dang it!

What You Really Say: Hi, I am fabulous! How are you?

Him: I’m doing great. How’s life? How’s your family? Work?

What You Want To Say: You have no business knowing what I’m doing in my life anymore. Stop acting like you care, because if you cared, we’d be together right now.

What You Really Say: Everything’s fine.

Him: What have you been up to?

What You Want To Say: Doing everything in my power trying to get over your sorry behind. Mostly what I do is think about you all day, but if I tell you that, then I’d look like the crazy ex. A comment like that would boost your ego and make you feel greater than you actually are.

What You Really Say: Just working and preparing for mid-term exams for school. How about you?

Him: Well, I am getting a promo on my job soon. I’ve been talking to my boss lately. I was a financial analyst they want to promo me to a financial consultant, which is great. More pay…but more hours

What You Want To Say: Sheesh, all that time I spent listening and encouraging you has finally paid off. Why weren’t you more motivated when we were together? Okay, who’s the new chick???

What You Really Say: Oh well that’s great. Congratulations.

Awkward moment. You realize how much you miss hearing the sound of his voice, how much you miss him. You want him back. You hope his next statement is something like, “Please, let’s get back together. I’ll change. I just need you in my life.” But it doesn’t happen. Instead the following conversation continues.

Him: I’m about to start driving. Gotta go. TTYL!

 What You Want To Say: You [insert unkind word here]!

What You Really Say: Bye

Then, you bury your head inside your covers and cry yourself to sleep. Conversations with an ex is like a jagger piercing into the broken pieces of your heart. You hate that you love him so much.