When She Lowered Her Standards

I’m tired of you playing these word games. Either you come over my house this evening, or I’ll call someone else to come over. The choice is yours. – A Boy

When I heard him say these words, I became both shocked and disgusted.  He couldn’t possibly mean what he was saying was my initial reaction and after that, I was disgusted. Disgusted for two reasons:

  1. Apparently this boy had lost his mind. Did he just give me an ultimatum? I don’t need you in my life. I’m good.
  2. Although his statement appeared a bit arrogant, he was right. There is another woman somewhere in the city of Atlanta who will happily bring her happy behind to his place at the drop of a hat.

Ladies, what are we doing with ourselves these days? Why is it that a grown man had the audacity to allow these words roll off his tongue.  Why did he think that for a split second it would be appropriate to say this to me?

I believe that men like this exist because women have lowered their standards. Prior to this phone conversation, I had known this guy for 3 weeks and already he was urging that I come to his place. He had never asked me out on a proper date, and we had never had a real conversation on the phone that lasted more than 10 minutes. In what world does a booty call precede a proper date? Did I miss something?

Nowadays, there are women who are so afraid of not finding a man, they will settle for a piece of a man. A man who cannot remain faithful to her for more than 3 minutes. A man who cannot speak to her like she is a human being. A man who controls her like a puppet on a string.

Historically, men have been the initiator of a relationship. The head. In other words, the man becomes interested in a woman and works to get her attention. That period of work on a man’s part is crucial. This is the part where he asks her out on a date, brings her flowers and candies at her job, drives miles upon miles to see her pretty face, and calls each night before bedtime just to hear her sweet voice. This is the part where he plans a date, keeping her interests in mind; picks her up from her home in his car; and drops her back home to her place at the end of the night. This period sets the tone for the relationship.

This period, ladies, is nearly extinct in 2013. A lady once told me that after talking to a guy she met on Craigslist for one week, he invited her to his place to watch a movie and she accepted. Later, she complained to me that their relationship wasn’t going anywhere. Perhaps, lady, because you never insisted that he take you anywhere?

Olivia Pope is not the only one having an affair with a married man. Nowadays, this phenomenon is ubiquitous. Many women are sending a man the message, “You don’t need to give me a real commitment for me to be available to you. I am okay with being a side chick.”

While many other women who are in exclusive relationships with a man who has several side chicks are saying, “Men will be men. Let me go to Frederick’s of Hollywood and buy a sexier lingerie and lose 50 pounds so my man will be faithful. I won’t require him to change his disrespectful behavior.”

A common theme on Steve Harvey’s Morning Show are female callers reporting that a man who she has been living with for 5+ years will not marry her. His common responses is, “He won’t marry you because you haven’t REQUIRED him to.” And it’s true. Why would he marry you if you’re already playing the role of his wife? You live with him, clean after him, cook for him, share your finances with him, care for him, and put his needs before your own. Face it you’re already his wife and fortunately for him, he didn’t even have to go through the trouble of buying you an engagement ring or asking your parents for your hand in marriage. If I were him, I wouldn’t marry you either. This setup would work for me!

I’ve come to realization that at some point in our relationships, we have to make a decision. Either we’re going to stay and continue giving him all of our love and affection or we’re going throw up the deuces and head straight for the door. Sure, we’ll endure many lonely and sleepless nights but when our Prince Charming enters our life and swoops us off our feet, we’ll be glad we didn’t settle for less than what we deserve. Having made many mistakes in the past, I’m at the point where I don’t have much patience for crap.

As soon as ol’ boy revealed his true colors, I was out. I deleted his number and removed him off my mental list of potential dateable men. As soon as he realized that I was over him, the gentleman in him came out to greet me one day. He walked me to my car and bought me a Groupon to one of my favorite restaurants in Atlanta. Friends were surprised, “I wish I could get a man do that for me.” I smiled. I did not want to spoil the image they had of him by telling them the backstory, so I simply smiled and thought to myself, Lady, you can get this too. It’s all about your requirements.

4 thoughts on “When She Lowered Her Standards

  1. “Nowadays, there are women who are so afraid of not finding a man, they will settle for a piece of a man.”

    This is the bottom line. Women have absolutely no standards and allow the men in their lives to treat them however. It is so frustrating because I look at young ladies and I’m like “snap out of it!! you’re beautiful! you don’t deserve this!”

    As women, we get desperate and so we settle for anything. We either forget or don’t know that God is willing to give us all the desires of our hearts when we lead lives fully devoted to Him. Instead, we watch reality TV, search gossip blogs and find unrealistic (and unGodly) things to compare ourselves to…eventually deciding that something is better than nothing.

    Men respond to the requirements we set. If we don’t respect ourselves, why would they respect us?

    BTW- Hey! I found your blog on 20sb 🙂


  2. Well said! I’m a firm believer in teaching people how to treat you. But Ive learned that teaching is the easy part. The hard part is being willing to walk away when a person you have grown to like or care about doesn’t want to “learn”


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