“Self-love?” my male cousin asked, “I know a lot of women who love themselves.”
“I know a lot of women who don’t.” I challenged.
Poor self-esteem is one of the root causes of relationship problems for both men and women. Women, in constant search for validation, will look for a man who will tell her she is beautiful; she is valuable; and she is desirable. The sad part is that once she is receiving these intangibles from a man, it is difficult for her to see clearly. Although the man may be interested in her, she may be oblivious to the fact that he is emotionally unavailable. Perhaps, he may already be in a relationship or unable to commit for various reasons.
A co-worker once told me that I was a nice girl, but I was a lot of work. He’d rather date a woman who was little maintenance. If I’m over here telling a man that he has to pull his pants up, treat me with some respect, and wait for me. If I insist that he has his stuff together before he approaches me, there’s another woman somewhere who doesn’t demand it.
I know people who are in relationships right now with men who cheat, men who are emotionally abusive, men who are emotionally unavailable, men who differ in their values than them. And why do they stay?
“Because anything is better than being alone.”
I’ve been single for a very long time. In fact, to tell you the truth, I have had someone I considered a steady boyfriend. Perhaps men I talked to, dated “friends” but never someone I took around to my family and said, “Hey mom, here’s my boyfriend.”
And in the few “relationships” I’ve been in I was way more miserable when he wasn’t for me than being alone. In fact, the further I get along on this journey to self-love the less BS I put up with.
Yes, I get lonely sometimes. My friends are getting into relationships and on Friday nights instead of us hanging out, they prefer to stay home boo’d up with their respective boyfriends. Sure, going to the movies alone gets old after awhile but I’ve made a decision. I’d rather wait for a man who is truly for me than waste my time justifying a man who’s not for me. I love myself too much to be cheated on, abused, or tortured by a man who cannot give me what I want.
Self-love requires that you build self-respect and raise the bar a little. Self-love is worth the arduous journey.