Google “how to find a man” and you’ll discover that these keywords are some of the most popular search terms. While I’ve wondered to myself how to attract Mr. Right, I’ve recently realized that the easiest way to find the man of your dreams is to be the woman of your dreams.

Sure, you can read every book on this topic, change your hairstyle, lose some weight, or do whatever else to yourself that will make you feel beautiful, but the truth is that we attract what we are. If you are an intelligent woman, then you probably attract intelligent men.

Psychology suggests that people like being people who are similar to them. If that’s the case, then why not cultivate the qualities in yourself that you’d like to attract in your mate? For instance, if you are looking for rich man, then why not be a rich woman? If you are looking for a man who will be faithful to you, then be a woman who worthy of his faithfulness. Be a woman of integrity; be honest. Be lovable.

Many of my thoughts are similar to the ones detailed in The Wife List: 10 Qualities, a popular article discussing the qualities that a man should look for in a woman. It is rare that I find articles that discuss how to find a good woman. (I guess men do not google such terms.)  I’d like to add 2 more items to his list.

They include:

1) Be someone who has gotten rid of her baggage.

There are many angry women out there. These are women who have been burned and have not allowed themselves time to heal. Instead of unpacking their bags and making peace with the past, they constantly dwell on their heartbreaks. They talk and think about the men who did them wrong constantly. Some of them are even plotting ways to get even with their exes. They do not realize that the only one they are hurting is themselves. Dwelling on the past leaves one stuck in the past. How can you see Mr. Right if all you think about is Mr. Wrong?

2) Be open. 

Does he have to 6 feet tall? Does he have to be an investment banker? Does he have to be athletic? My grandmother sat me down one day and shared this pearl of wisdom, “All that matters is that he treats you right. And that he is kind to others.” I took her words to mean that the most important qualities to look for in a potential mate is his character. Looks fade; money disappears; and jobs come and go, but a person’s character will withstand the test of time. That is what is most important.