No Choice But To Change

When the time comes for you to make a change, to grow, to do your life in a different way, the universe will make you so uncomfortable, so unhappy, you will eventually have no choice. If you insist on staying in a place you no longer belong in, if you do not grow the courage to do what is necessary to propel yourself forward, you will suffer the consequences, whatever they may be.

-Iyanla Vanzant

Dating In Your 30’s Vs Dating In Your 20’s

You can always tell a woman’s age by her attitude towards relationships. Women in their 20’s are constantly second-guessing themselves; worrying about maintaining their crush’s interest, and obsessing about how cute or athletic their beau is. Women in their 30’s, on the other hand, are purposeful. They don’t waste time; they have a five-year plan (which includes marriage), and they do not beat around the bush when stating their wishes.

There is a striking difference between my friends’ dating habits in their 20’s and their dating habits in their 30’s. I sometimes look at them and think, “My! Have you changed.” Here’s the difference between dating in your 20s vs dating in your 30s.

In your 20s, your time is often wasted. You meet a guy and he’s not who you want to marry, but he’s cute and fun, so you begin dating. You believe you’re in a relationship, but he never gives you a title. You keep dating him anyway, until one day he drops off the face of the planet and stops returning your calls and you’re left eating icecream with your homegirl and wondering, What did I do wrong?

In you 30’s every moment is accounted for. At 30, dates are no longer a sport, you’re on a mission. You fire important marriage focused questions during the talking stage like, When do you want to get married? Do you want to have children? What’s your five year plan? If his questions align with your future plans, then you’ll go on a date with him. As soon as he shows signs that even remotely resemble any other bad relationship you’ve been in, you exit stage left immediately. Ain’t nobody got time for that!

In your 20’s, you live by the theme song, Girls Just Want To Have Fun. The most attractive personality trait for a man you date is one who loves to have a good time. He’s adventuresome. He’s also the here-today-gone-tomorrow type of guy. But that’s cool with you, because you’re not looking to get married at anytime soon. You just want to have fun.

In your 30’s, your theme song is Put A Ring On It. Women in their 30’s are focused on many things, but the most significant one is the engagement ring she’s hoping to obtain. Her life choices are dictated by the fact that she is going to find a husband and settle down. Her future goals drive the career path she chooses. It dictates where she chooses to live and what her living arrangements are. It especially dictates who she dates. She start asking questions like, Will he be a good father to my children? and Will he take care of me when I’m old? In fact that adventuresome guy you would date in your 20’s is longer attractive to you in your 30’s.

In your 20’s, you blame yourself for anything that goes on in the relationship. I’ve talked about my worst date ever on my blog before. The guy I was dating at the time treated me so poorly, yet I still blamed myself for his behavior. It’s amazing how women can find flaws in themselves, when the guy they are with is a true jerk. This phenomenon changes as one ages.

In your 30’s, you state what you want and achieve it. Unapologetically. Women become more and more unapologetic for who you are and what they want. As my 30-something old friend told me one time without any hesitation, “I don’t do broke. The next guy I date will make a decent living.” Three years later, she’s married to a physician who makes at least six figures per year. She knew what she wanted and she achieved it, without second-guessing herself.

What age did you have the most fun dating – 20’s or 30’s?

 

 

Country Music & Me: My Time Capsule To The Yesteryears

One of my favorite childhood memories is riding in the car with my mom on Saturdays, while listening to Kicks 101.5, Atlanta’s Country Music station. It was during these rides around my hometown of Marietta, where my mom and I would discuss the importance of self-esteem, earning good grades, and cultivating healthy friendships. Sometimes, my younger brother would join us and and our conversations would become more abstract, like discussing my brother’s interest in Gargolyes and Dragon Ball Z. Country music served as the background soundtrack to a time in my life when I didn’t have to worry about anything. Career goals were a thing of a distance future. Making friends was easy and my idea of establishing a long-term relationship was reduced to planning the most outlandish fairy-tale wedding possible. Life was good.

Nowadays, when life becomes challenging and decisions become overwhelming, I revert back to the days when life was simple. Music has an amazing ability to help us remember our yesteryears. Country Music serves as my personal time capsule, helping me travel back in time to when life was simple. I listen to Country Music daily. In fact, I not only listen to it, I sing along with it. Loudly. While driving around my city.

So, today, I’d like to welcome Friday by sharing my all-time favorite Country Music songs with you. I hope these tunes help you relieve the tension you may have stored up after a stressful week. And I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.Read More »

5 Things I Learned About Achieving Financial Prosperity

wealth-06In my post entitled, The Greatest Lie Millenials Believe, I emphasized how important money is. I emphasize that it takes precedence when pursuing our goals. Life circumstances has also taught me that it is more important to manage funds wisely than it is to make a lot of money. For, if you make $56,000 per year, but spend $35,000 per year, you are much better off than someone who makes $500,000 per year, but spends $510,000 per year. Saving and managing funds wisely is key. Read More »

False Choice Between Babies and Startups

A couple of years ago, I was interviewing for a position at a start-up. I had been on the job-hunt for several months and was becoming more and more desperate to land a job. The interview was going very well. The interviewer seemed impressed with my experience and credentials, and we were developing a good rapport.

Given the engaging conversation we were having, I didn’t think anything of it when he so casually asked me where I was living and whether I planned on moving away from home. In a sly manner, he added, “And you don’t plan on having children anytime soon, do you?”

It was so sudden that I didn’t even have a chance to think about it. I was 26 at the time, so having children was the furthest thing from my mind, for I was married to my career. I quickly answered, “No.”

He offered me the position the next day.

It wasn’t until several days later that I thought about the implication of his question.  Besides it being illegal, I wondered whether I would have still been offered the position if I told him that I wanted to have children soon.

I’ve read numerous articles on how employers discriminate on women in their late 20’s and early 30’s for fear that they’ll devote more time to their children than to the job. I always thought this was ludicrous and believe that women can indeed become superwomen. We can have it all. The article below, written by Mrs. Zuhairah Scott Washington, General Manager at Uber-DC, clearly articulates my thoughts.

The False Choice Between Babies and Startups

Honesty Ain’t The Best Policy

crossingfingersThey say honesty is the best policy. I suppose that’s true when it comes to things like, telling your friend that the outfit she’s wearing does not look good on her. It’s true when your boyfriend says something that hurts your feelings and you have to confront him about it. It’s true when taking an exam and you decide to share your own responses and not your classmates. In such cases, yes, honesty is the best policy.

But when it comes to all things concerning finances, honesty is not the best policy. There’s no need to be honest about your finances. No one wants to know when you’re dealing with a severe financial hardship. That’s none of their business anyway. If you cannot attend an event due to finances, simply lie and say, I have other plans. You’ll have a way better outcome them disclosing the fact that your car payment is due on the 3rd and you won’t get paid again until the 15th and since their event falls on the 10th, you won’t have any money. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Saying “I have other plans” shuts the door and gives no room for follow-up questions.Read More »

The Biggest Mistakes People Make When Choosing a Life Partner

The article below articulates my thoughts on marriage and long-term relationships. Our choice of a life partner is the biggest decision we will ever make and as such, we should choose carefully, not hastily. Furthermore, our goal should not be to get married before our biological clock runs out of time, but to marry the right person. We should take our time; there is no need to rush.

The Biggest Mistakes People Make When Choosing A Life Partner

What To Consider Before Asking A Couple When They Are Getting Married

My boyfriend and I are approaching our 2 year anniversary and I just turned 30 years old. I understand why so many relatives and friends are becoming increasingly more curious about when will tie the knot.  As my elder no-nonsense cousin so eloquently stated during the early stages of my boyfriend and my relationship, “You’re not 19. What are his intentions?” It’s a valid question for me to consider.

I believe people are asking from a sincere place. They genuinely want me to be happy and they believe that marriage is one way to achieve happiness. They also want to make sure that I do it fast before time runs out and I can no longer give birth to babies. Many unmarried women in their mid-forties, who were focused on their career in their early thirties, regret the fact that they did not settle down earlier. Perhaps they want to ensure that I do not make the same mistake.

I get it.

But what I don’t understand is how some people feel the need to pressure you into making such a huge decision. We all know what pressure sounds like from our loved ones:

  • When are you getting married? (asked each time you see her/him)
  • When will I have a grandchild?
  • My son needs a playmate. Please tell me you’re going to have children next year.
  • You’re not getting any younger. You don’t want a high-risk pregnancy, do you?

Read More »

The Most Difficult Question To Answer

GHanaian American FlagThe most difficult question for me answer is “Where are you from?” It may sound like a straightforward question, but if you moved around a lot as a child or you are of a mixed race or cultural heritage,  this question can become complicated to answer.  Mix in the possibility that the race or culture that you identify with rejects or mocks you, you may be left to feel like an orphan.Read More »