Three Secrets To Keep

Scrolling through Facebook last week, I found the following photo:

Always Keep Quiet

Since then, I’ve tried to identify the source of this photo. I haven’t had any luck, but that doesn’t take away how profound this quote is.

As I grow older and become more confident in my decisions, I realize how much I used to share with friends and relatives in order for them to validate me. I also realize how precarious of a position this is, for no one on this earth will understand you better than you. Looking to people for approval for who you are and what you’re doing makes them into a god. And, ain’t no one on this earth is worthy of that title.

There’s no need for me to share private things with people, no matter who they are. For various reason, sharing your love life, income, and next move can put you at a disadvantage. Here’s why:

Sharing your love life

Relationships are extremely intimate. In fact, if you’re doing it the right way, there will be no room for others in such a union. You should be so focused on making the relationship work, setting goals for your partnership, and making each other happy that you don’t have time to share the intricacies of your special bond with your girl friends. For, what business do they have knowing your beau’s flaws, the arguments you two have, and your current struggles? Sharing too much information puts your relationship on the line. It gives space for friends, who have good intentions, but don’t know your relationship, to divulge whatever skewed perspective they have.


We all know that there are a lot faulty beliefs about marriage and relationships swarming around the Internet and in people’s heads. Hearing such filth does not do you or your relationship any good. Keeping your love life private ensures that you and your babe have a greater shot at maintaining your relationship.  Like my friend says, “The best way to keep a relationship is to keep others out of it.”

(Of course, this section does not apply to relationships involving any type of abuse.)

Sharing your income.

Nothing good ever comes out of disclosing the specific amount of money you make to a friend. If your friend earns more than you, you may feel envious and if your friend earns less than you, you may feel guilty. Disclosing your income also gives people a sense of entitlement to your ends. I remember when I got my first job. I was earning well-above the nation’s median income and I had to disclose it on my leasing agreement for my new apartment. When I asked my leasing agent if there were alternative places to park since the parking fee at my building was so high, she said, “Why do you ask? With the amount of money you make, you should have no problem making those payments.” And she pretty much summed up the attitudes of people who know how much money you make.

Your next move.

I am a planner and a thinker, dedicated to making my dreams come true. In order to do this, I often make bold decisions that people cannot understand. I learned quickly that people cannot handle my next moves so I often don’t share them.

I don’t like to share my next move because I am trying to protect myself. If I share with you my next move and it doesn’t pan out as I planned, then I am subject to questioning, which is something that I dread having to face. Imagine the girl who told you she was going to get married at a specific day and time, but it didn’t happen due to things she does not care to discuss. Do you know how humiliating it will be for her to face you, as you trigger all your questions at once? Right, so I keep my business under wraps.

I have answers to many of the questions people ask me each day. I choose not to answer the question because my next moves are not topic for discussion.

We can be vulnerable with our loved ones, but there must be somethings that we keep near our chest. Our income, our next steps, and our love life are three of those things.

5 thoughts on “Three Secrets To Keep

  1. I value this perspective and often find myself trying to find a balance between being able to vent to a friend when my boyfriend pisses me off without feeling as though I’m betraying the friendship I have with him in a moment of frustration OR discussing my pay and not necessarily my income with others like we discussed last week and even telling someone I trust about a possible next move so that they hold me accountable if I chicken out. If I hadn’t told my boyfriend about my let’s build thoughts then he never would’ve held me accountable and said “bae, stop being scared and just do it”

    Still I agree that especially in the age of social media and Housewives of whatever, that we think discussing all the intimate in and outs of our lives is the same as being relateable and transparent when it’s not.

    Setting boundaries not only protects you but also those around you from those who might misinterpret your intentions and information. Great voice in this post!

    Liked by 1 person

    • You bring up a good point about the value in sharing such private things with others. What’s probably more important than sharing with everyone is being selective about what we share.

      For instance, I’m very particular about who I tell my marital stuff to. If we can, my husband and I will resolve our stuff between the two of us. We don’t vent our frustration to others. It’s been a rule since we were dating. It’s sometimes been hard to keep, but it’s really helped our relationship stay strong. Both of us had previous relationships where we were constantly venting our frustration with our friends. Such relationships didn’t last. People’s opinions crept in and it ultimately destroyed our previous relationships. In the case that we do have to talk about our stuff with others, then we will. But that’s after we’ve done everything we can do to resolve it between the two of us.

      As per next moves, you’re right. I’m glad you shared your blog idea with your boyfriend and he’s the one who held you accountable. It’s true. If we share our wildest dreams with others, then they will help us reach our goal. We just gotta choose someone who really has our back.

      Thanks for your incredible amount of insight! You’re really helped me re-evaluate how I feel about this issue.

      Liked by 1 person

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