My Fear of Becoming THAT Married Woman


Would you like to hear my secret?

I’m afraid of becoming THAT married woman.

What do I mean by THAT married woman?

I am so happy you asked.

She is boastful, too busy, and is unable to relate to her single friends. Married women behave as though a bug has injected them with an inflated ego, causing them to be extremely obnoxious to others, especially singles. I’ll explain.

Married women are boastful.

When my former classmate got married, I was single and struggling with a string of failed relationships. Whenever I’d tell her about a new guy, she’d throw in tidbits of her husband’s awesomeness. She’d unleash advice as though she invented love and everything about it. If I told her my boyfriend gave me a dozen roses, she’d tell me that her husband gave her dozens.  It was tolerable initially and then it became irritating. Soon, I started avoiding her phone calls.

Married women are no longer available to anyone else except their husbands.

One recent bride made it known to her friends and family that the only time she was available to talk to others was on every 2nd and 4th Sunday of each month. All other times were dedicated to quality time with her husband. Perhaps that’s what they needed in order to get their marriage started on a good foot, but I don’t know. I haven’t seen or spoken to her in a long time.

Married women are hard for singles to relate to.

When you’re single, there’s a lot to discuss with other singles: dating experiences (or lack thereof), lamenting about when you’d get married and start a family, or otherwise, talking about upcoming events. When a woman gets married, her time is cut in half. She is now responsible for someone else and his well being.

Priorities shift with one’s marital status. When I was single, YOLO was my religion. Pop champagne bottles, travel, party, explore, adventure. I got married and now, my priorities are saving money, figuring out where we will settle down, preparing to start a family, and staying healthy. (Boring – I know.)

But, sure married women can find something to connect them with their single friends.

Married women are not empathetic towards their single friends.

They fail to realize present day dating challenges. When I was single, I remember telling a co-worker who got married in 2000 some of the dating challenges I experienced in 2012. I shared the infamous statistic that 42% of Black women are unmarried. Her response was “Well, I found someone so that’s not my problem.” I rolled my eyes. I’m happy for you, sis, but the rest of the world is not that fortunate.

I’m not immune to insensitivity. I met my husband in 2013. Back then, the popular dating app was Tinder. Other apps have started to dominate the market since then. I haven’t heard of most of them. I don’t know what it’s like to be single in 2017, so it’s difficult for me to fully understand its ups and downs. When my single friends speak, I try to listen and empathize. I hope that I never forget some of the personal struggles that I encountered and climb on a horse so high that not even my friends can reach me.

THIS married woman’s epiphany.

I am married but the majority of my friends are not. I now have insight into the marital bliss that others who have gotten married before me experienced. Life is good and my husband is a godsend. But I don’t know what the formula is to find a hubby. I got lucky. When we met, there were things that I did that were so wrong, even the most novice of relationship advisors would shake their heads. (I will happily share my mishaps with you soon!)  So who am I to dish out advice?

It is human nature to boast about things we’re proud of. But wives have to remember humility is key. We weren’t born married. As great as our lives are now, things may not always be this way. Things can change drastically and we’ll need our dear friends’ support. I don’t want to piss them off to the point where they roll their eyes and hit the ignore button whenever I call. My plan is to remain humble. Hopefully, my new life won’t interfere with my friendships. 

Thanks for stopping by! S&T is going on break on the last Tuesday and Thursday of each month and we’re off on holidays. Today is our final update in November. We’ll be back with more posts on December 5th & 7th. Happy Thanksgiving!

7 thoughts on “My Fear of Becoming THAT Married Woman

  1. Hey Yaa. Great post! I can see how married women could be perceived as insensitive. On the flipside, while it’s wonderful to share life with a spouse, married women do miss out on personal pursuits because of our commitments. We do save for our children’s education instead of traveling or buying that purse we’ve wanted. An evening alone would be so welcome to many married women, especially those of us with kids, but because of no time alone that next book project or other project will just have to wait. The relationship mishaps of singles are interesting at times to those of us who are now in a routine, albeit a nice dating routine with our spouses. I think single people also have to remember that empathy in friendship between singles and marrieds is a two way street.


    • Hey Cantice! You bring up an excellent point about married women missing out on their personal pursuits. It’s true; less time for yourself and more sacrifices made for your family. I know when I was single, I wanted to have someone so bad that I did not think of such sacrifices being a downside. You’re right: empathy is key. It’s interesting how people so easily forget once they’re situation changes. There are definitely pros and cons on both sides. We must enjoy each season we’re in. Thanks for your valuable insight!


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