It’s not by happenstance that the tagline for my blog is “Her journey to self-love.” Falling in love with myself has been of importance to me and through my blog posts, I share what I’ve learned along the way. I’m not the only one on this mission. Millions of women around the globe struggle with insecurities and/or low self-esteem. I share my story in hopes that women will find it helpful in their healing.
My story begins with a condition I’ve had since birth. I was born with a droopy right eyelid, often called a lazy eye. The condition caused me to have difficulty seeing out of my right eye. In order to see objects, I would tilt my head so that the object before me would be seen with my left eye. Eye doctors worried that I’d lose vision in my right eye if it wasn’t being used enough. To avoid this, they prescribed an eyepatch for left eye. If my left eye is unavailable, I’d be forced to use my right eye. As a toddler, I also had surgery to raise my right eye lid.
My early childhood was filled with eye doctor appointments, eye exams, and silly comments from from and classmates who would often ask, “What’s wrong with your eye? Are you sleepy?” and my personal favorite, “Why is one of your eyes bigger than the other?” I hated going to eye doctor appointments. I regretted the fact that I had to wear an eyepatch. I wished I was born with normal eyes like my mom, dad, brothers and everyone else in my family.
My condition also hampered me from making friends and speaking up for myself. Making eye contact with others was something that I’d avoid. I preferred to look at the ground; the floor couldn’t judge me like my peers could. In middle school, when boys called me ugly, I knew it was my lazy eyelid that made me that way. Speaking in front of people would scare me. On stage, my eyes were sure to be seen.
My insecurities started to change in high school when I learned that a singer that I deeply admired had a lazy eye also. Her name was Aaliyah. In fact, to this day, I’m still not sure whether that rumor was true, but that’s what I needed to believe in order to embrace my flaw. Aaliyah would wear swept bangs that slightly covered one of her eyes. I loved that look and would imitate it myself to cover my right eye. Slowly, I started realizing a world of options to cover up the flaw: hairstyles, eye glasses, and make-up! I even became friends with someone in middle school who shared the same insecurities about a lazy eye as I did. I soon realized that people didn’t care as much about my lazy eye as much as I did.
I got my first pair of contact lenses in college. You couldn’t tell me that I wasn’t cute with my contact lenses and swept bangs. I finally started to accept myself – everything about myself.
I’m in my 30’s now and I still get funny comments about my eyes. When I went to an eye doctor appointment earlier this year, the optometrist looked into my eye in a disgusted manner, “Oh my goodness, what is wrong with your eye? Has it always been like that?” She was an optometrist, one who is skilled in evaluating the health of one’s eye. I laughed her off and shut her up, “Yes, doc. I have a lazy eye. I’m sure you learned about the condition in your eye classes. You’re an optometrist, right?” She was rude, but nowadays such comments do not affect me. I’m okay with my eyes. I’m grateful that I can see out of them. And honestly, the right eye is so subtle; you can hardly notice the defect behind my eyeglasses. I wear eyeglasses most of the time.
Life has taught me that one’s struggles help us blossom into a butterfly. My lazy eye has made more human and more of a down to earth person who can relate to many people. I’m grateful for my flaw.
Scribbles & Tostitos 
YOUR OPTOMETRIST SAID THAT?! Good lord! (SMH) I am a lover of a face with some character, big noses, lazy eyes, deep crows feet, oooh, and harelipped makes me go weak in the knees.
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RIGHT! I was shocked myself.
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I was as well. LIke seriously that is grounds for being reprimanded by your board. Like if you can’t diagnose a lazy eye then you shouldn’t be working in the field.
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Yes!! I left the optometrist an unfavorable review. I won’t be back anytime soon. Ignorance does not discriminate.
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Your optometrist sounds like she won’t be winning any employee of the month awards anytime soon. My husband had surgeries for his eyes when he was a baby and now our baby daughter has a lazy eye. But theres nothing worse than a boring face. Well maybe a shitty optometrist is a little worse 😉
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Right! It’s a unique feature that makes one’s face look more interesting. I’m told that it’s good when the condition is caught early. Nope, the optometrist is definitely not an employee of the year award. She’ll get no referrals from me.
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Refer your enemies. Not often you can tell someone off good via specialist lol
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Wow! Thank you for your candidness Yaa Yaa! It’s really too bad that an optometrist would greet her patient with such a comment. Ssshheeeeesshhh! Sorry hon. Thanks again for sharing so honestly with us!
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Awww and thank you, Mac, for reading!
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Let’s toast to our flaws.
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Yes! :: clinks wine glass ::
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I know it’s late, but I have to chime in on this one. I had a girlfriend decades ago with the same thing. When she was tired, or sometimes not, her right eye would go off in it’s own direction. No big deal. She was the best lover I ever had and we still write a few times a year. When we get together at reunions we dance together (I really don’t dance) just to hold each other for a few minutes. There is still a spark there, but then we go back to our lives. Anytime I see a woman with a lazy eye (or big nose or funny knees or a flat chest) I go off into dreamland knowing that there is a goddess lurking there. I would also pick a different optometrist.
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Awww! So sweet! One thing I’ve discovered is that what we call flaws others may call it endearing.
Oh heck yeah! Definitely time to find someone new.
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I love the transparency in this post. We all do have some insecurity about something. My teeth are the sorest spot for me. Growing up in the south with predominately black classmates they would point out every single issue especially that I was too small, had big eyes and gap teeth and while I’ve embraced my other features as a beautiful part of who I am; I still find it hard to not fantasize about braces. P.S. my sister use to tell people she had a “lazy eye” just so she could wear her hair swept like Aaliyah. Now I’m vigilant in telling random people their beautiful just to see the light in their face just in case no one ever really told them. I think those insecurities that follow us help to mold and build us into people we can be proud of. Thank for this post.
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Thanks so much! I know what you mean about being teased in school. I finished elementary school like more than a decade ago and I still vividly remember the ugly remarks I received about my looks, my eyes, my hair. Girl! I don’t know if it will ever go away.
Haha, I love your sister! I’m flattered she would claim to have something I deeply regretted for years.
You are so sweet! Everyone could use a pick me up. You’re right about such insecurities making you who you are. I am so much more empathetic to people with “abnormalities” than I would be if I didn’t have a lazy eye.
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