On My Playlist: How To Fix A Broken Record Podcast

To break the monotony of a day at the office, I often listen to Podcasts. I like podcasts that offer insight on a variety of topics, while still entertaining me in some way. Last week, I discovered How To Fix A Broken Record, a podcast based on a book of the same name. The podcast’s author, Amena Brown, discusses various topics in her book: natural hair, the importance of loving yourself, single life, married life, and the adventures of adulting in the social media age. Amena and her guests will make you laugh, reflect, or perhaps reevaluate life. So, S&T, if you need a pick-me-up during your day today, I highly recommend How To Fix A Broken Record podcast (and the book too)!

 

On The Time Bullying Was A Good Thing

The radio can be a bully. How many times has a song played on the radio and you didn’t like, so you flipped to the next station that was playing the same song? No matter what station you found yourself listening to, the song was always on the radio. It was as if the radio is telling you, “I don’t care what you do, but you are going to like this song. I am going to force you to like this song.” This is precisely what happened between me and my local radio stations. But, a positive outcome occurred. I began to appreciate the words from the seemingly ubiquitous pop song, “Love Myself” by Hailee Steinfield. The song so closely reflects the message of this blog and I couldn’t resist posting.

The lyrics reflect a woman’s dedication to loving herself, and putting herself first. (There is a bit of a sexual undertone in the lyrics, but we’ll ignore that.)

It is the type of song I could imagine a woman listening to after experiencing a break up from her boyfriend. You know how women go into their post-breakup rants about how they could do better all by themselves? They don’t need a man. Yep, this is the song you’ll find on their Spotify playlist. But, this song is not only suited for post-breakups, this song could be applied to women in relationships too.

For the woman in a relationship, it is easy to forget to take care of yourself. It’s easy to forget to exercise, eat healthy foods, and to do the things you did before he entered your life. It’s also easy to forget to take time out for yourself and do the things you enjoy doing. Life can become hectic when you’re sharing it with someone else, so taking a step back and chanting to yourself, I love me, is a must.

Thanks, Hailee, for your self-empowering debut single. Hopefully, we’ll continue to see you on the Top 40 Billboard Chart.

Love,

Me

 

My First Boyfriend

I had my first “boyfriend” in kindergarten. I’ve place boyfriend in quotation marks here because I chuckle at how simple boyfriend/girlfriend relationships were in my childhood days. Feelings and commitment were foreign to me. My peers and I changed our boyfriends like we changes our socks. Boyfriends were only something we had in order to have something to talk about on the playground during recess.

“Do you have a boyfriend?” my classmate asked me one day on the playground. “No,” I said, “do you?”

Of course, my classmate responded as if I were an idiot to ask. I was a shy five year-old, but wondered to myself how I too can get a boyfriend. I started thinking about all the boys in my class. This one particular boy named, Carl, sat next to me in class. He was always so nice to me. He’d share his crayons with me in class and offer to help me with my arts in crafts. I liked Carl. He could be my boyfriend.Read More »

Dating In Your 30’s Vs Dating In Your 20’s

You can always tell a woman’s age by her attitude towards relationships. Women in their 20’s are constantly second-guessing themselves; worrying about maintaining their crush’s interest, and obsessing about how cute or athletic their beau is. Women in their 30’s, on the other hand, are purposeful. They don’t waste time; they have a five-year plan (which includes marriage), and they do not beat around the bush when stating their wishes.

There is a striking difference between my friends’ dating habits in their 20’s and their dating habits in their 30’s. I sometimes look at them and think, “My! Have you changed.” Here’s the difference between dating in your 20s vs dating in your 30s.

In your 20s, your time is often wasted. You meet a guy and he’s not who you want to marry, but he’s cute and fun, so you begin dating. You believe you’re in a relationship, but he never gives you a title. You keep dating him anyway, until one day he drops off the face of the planet and stops returning your calls and you’re left eating icecream with your homegirl and wondering, What did I do wrong?

In you 30’s every moment is accounted for. At 30, dates are no longer a sport, you’re on a mission. You fire important marriage focused questions during the talking stage like, When do you want to get married? Do you want to have children? What’s your five year plan? If his questions align with your future plans, then you’ll go on a date with him. As soon as he shows signs that even remotely resemble any other bad relationship you’ve been in, you exit stage left immediately. Ain’t nobody got time for that!

In your 20’s, you live by the theme song, Girls Just Want To Have Fun. The most attractive personality trait for a man you date is one who loves to have a good time. He’s adventuresome. He’s also the here-today-gone-tomorrow type of guy. But that’s cool with you, because you’re not looking to get married at anytime soon. You just want to have fun.

In your 30’s, your theme song is Put A Ring On It. Women in their 30’s are focused on many things, but the most significant one is the engagement ring she’s hoping to obtain. Her life choices are dictated by the fact that she is going to find a husband and settle down. Her future goals drive the career path she chooses. It dictates where she chooses to live and what her living arrangements are. It especially dictates who she dates. She start asking questions like, Will he be a good father to my children? and Will he take care of me when I’m old? In fact that adventuresome guy you would date in your 20’s is longer attractive to you in your 30’s.

In your 20’s, you blame yourself for anything that goes on in the relationship. I’ve talked about my worst date ever on my blog before. The guy I was dating at the time treated me so poorly, yet I still blamed myself for his behavior. It’s amazing how women can find flaws in themselves, when the guy they are with is a true jerk. This phenomenon changes as one ages.

In your 30’s, you state what you want and achieve it. Unapologetically. Women become more and more unapologetic for who you are and what they want. As my 30-something old friend told me one time without any hesitation, “I don’t do broke. The next guy I date will make a decent living.” Three years later, she’s married to a physician who makes at least six figures per year. She knew what she wanted and she achieved it, without second-guessing herself.

What age did you have the most fun dating – 20’s or 30’s?

 

 

The Biggest Mistakes People Make When Choosing a Life Partner

The article below articulates my thoughts on marriage and long-term relationships. Our choice of a life partner is the biggest decision we will ever make and as such, we should choose carefully, not hastily. Furthermore, our goal should not be to get married before our biological clock runs out of time, but to marry the right person. We should take our time; there is no need to rush.

The Biggest Mistakes People Make When Choosing A Life Partner

Hollywood’s Deepest Secrets: A Movie Review of Beyond The Lights

BeyondTheLightsPhotoHollywood is more than just glamour, parties, and paparazzi. In some cases, Hollywood can take the best of you and leave you at the edge of a balcony ready to jump, as portrayed in the movie, Beyond The Lights.

Before this movie, I did not understand the motive and circumstances behind celebrity suicides. I’m not saying that I am an expert on it now, but I will say that I have a slight understanding of the psychology behind a celebrity’s motive to end her life.Read More »

How To Identify The Relationship With No Happy Ending

 

No Happy Ending
stock.adobe.com

Recently, my friend mentioned to me that she was done with relationships that are “long stories.”  We all have friends who answer to questions about their boyfriend with a statement that begins, “Girl, let me tell you what happened yesterday!” Then, she proceeds to tell her version of a long story. The story can include a plethora of events, mostly ones featuring her boyfriend behaving badly. She may mention that she caught a questionable text message in his phone; he hasn’t been home for the past two nights or that fact that she caught him in a lie. Long stories, according to my friend’s experience, never end well. Her advice: leave any man that gives you a long story and move on.

After she made her statement, I was trying to play devil’s advocate. I thought about my friends who are in relationships. Did any of them have a long story? I remembered a friend who got married recently. Her story was long until she became fed up with his foolishness and broke off the relationship. He changed and now, they are happily married.Read More »

Love Affair

holding-handsWe met when I was 8 years old. Old people referred to it as puppy love, which my 8-year-old mind did not comprehend. I was not a puppy and neither was he. I turned to him whenever I needed to vent or whenever I needed a good laugh. He always provided an outlet for me to truly express myself.

I showed him off to others, whenever we were together. My parents liked him; my three-year-old brother played with him. My classmates and teachers appreciated him and my grandmother encouraged him. I don’t know what it was about him that intrigued me. We continued to share a close friendship until I went to college. Then, we drifted apart.Read More »

The Man That Got Away

The Man That Got AwayOkay, so I am the only one of my friends who is unmarried. Wait, God. Did I miss something? Maybe it’s the guy who sat next to me in church 3 months ago? The one with the nice smile and straight teeth. The one who made it a point to greet me during tithes and offering and make remarks about the message to me. The one who asked for my number so we can have Bible study but for some strange reason, I got a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach and turned him down?

Waiting for your special someone is not an easy feat. Let me tell you.

Last weekend, I met a guy who made my skin crawl. Needless to say, a date with him will not be on the agenda in the near future. Given this, I still find myself stressing about why I am not meeting anyone. I have tried everything. I have read all the relationship blogs. I go out; I meet people; I’ve even joined an online dating site. Nothing is happening.

If there is anything that life has taught me in the past 20-something years is that the best things come easy and in its own time. There is no need to force a relationship or meeting the right one. Perhaps I am not meeting anyone because today is not the right day.

My guy is wherever he is getting prepared for that day when I will walk into his life. And what am I doing? Worrying. What if I missed him?Read More »

The One Thing I Learned That Changed My Life

frustrationLet me tell you a little secret: I don’t have my life plans figured out.

You may have seen my LinkedIn profile full of admirable job titles and though, If I could just have the opportunities she had, I would be further along in my career. You may have even seen the article written on me about the work I do in public health and thought, Wow, this chick is amazing! Or, you may have even seen the photo of me and Robin Thicke posted on my Facebook timeline and wished you could walk a day in my shoes.

Or maybe not.

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What They Didn’t Tell Me About Being In A Relationship

S&T Healthy Relationship

No one told me it was going to be this way.

Not that this is a bad way; it’s just that no one really tells you about some of the ups and downs that you’ll experience in your first real relationship. Your annoying friend who is always making updates about your relationship status on Facebook and Twitter forgot to mention a few things.

I am in a relationship now and here are 8 things no one ever told me about being in a relationship.

1. You will feel like you have split personalities.

Before He came along, I was an interesting person with an array of interests. Spoken word, apple picking, dancing, kickboxing, traveling and blogging were all part of my life. I spent a lot of my free time with friends and family. But now, I’m in a relationship, trying to balance spending time with him and spending time with friends, family, and myself. I’m trying to keep my commitments to all birthday parties, housewarming extravaganzas, weddings, and every other social outing. I’m trying to keep church commitments, attend family events, spend quality time with the family, and act like my new “friend” will not subtract the time I spend with the closest people in my life.  I’m trying to blog regularly, exercise regularly, spend adequate time on my personal and professional development, and enjoy my precious “me” time. I am trying to act like a single person in a relationship and can we say exhausting? I literally feel like I have split personalities!

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That Simple Word That’s Hard To Say

That Simple Word That Is Hard To Say No

On this blog, I discuss my journey towards self-acceptance and high self-esteem. One of the quickest way to gauge self-esteem is to rate self-respect. An indicator of self-respect is one’s ability to say “no” when needed. It’s only the 16th day of the new year, but it seems as though 2014 will teach me how to say that two-letter word.

For a people pleaser like me, the consequences of telling someone “no” is something I fear. What if the person rescinds their friendship? What if I am no longer perceived as a “nice” girl? Or, better yet, what if I feel guilty afterwards.

At first thought, these fears appear valid. No one wants to be perceived as a jerk. I want to have as many friends as possible, and guilt is a companion that no one wants to live with. But what I have failed to realize until now is that saying “yes” to every request will only make me unhappy, bitter, and a doormat. Thinking of it this way makes saying “no” more appealing.Read More »

The Only Thing I Want To Hear From An Ex

moving on quoteYou’re finally over the guy you thought rocked your world. It was a messy breakup so you two did not remain friends. In fact, you can’t remember the last time he crossed your mind. When you two initially broke up, you felt like the world was ending. But now, you’re smarter, wiser, and have a little bit more pep in your step. You’ve realized that his departure from your life was one of the best things that has ever happened to you.

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I Ain’t Sayin I’m A Gold Digger…

Along with dozens of other qualities I desire in a lifetime partner, his potential to make money, his current income, his beliefs and money practices have been recently added to the list.

This is a huge deal to me, for I always endorsed the fantasy that all I needed is love in a relationship in order for it to work. Nowadays, I believe money plays a more important role in relationships than I ever thought it would. Money is necessary for the basic things we need: shelter, food, water, and clothing. If a woman is dating a man who doesn’t have money, guess who will be spending money each time they go out. That’s right, she will. So, a woman’s decision to date a man who doesn’t have money affects her pocketbook.

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Vex Money: When My Date Left Me with the Check

4977519058_a4c20f8942_zVIP admission at the premier dance club in Abuja, Nigeria, mixing and mingling with Naija (Nigerian) celebrities, and posh 5-star hotels: I was living the good life.

The guy and I met through a mutual friend during my stay in Abuja. A socialite, he was pretty popular around town; held prestigious job title at a well-known company, and had that “it” factor that would attract any woman.

Time spent with him was always something to look forward to. He had a good sense of humor and a charming personality. I had only been in Abuja for 4 weeks but he was becoming a good friend.

Besides his personality, I enjoyed the fact that when we were together, I always had a good time.  He granted me VIP admission in Abuja’s nightclubs, introduced me to local celebrities, and treated me to meals at the nicest restaurants in town.

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Marriage: Because The Beat Stops at 30

Marriage Because The Beat StopsA few weeks ago, friend of mine IMed me in a frantic. “Do you have a moment? I need to talk.”

I finished whatever I was doing and IMed her back, “I’m all ears. What’s up?”

I will be 29 next week. Can you believe it? She writes. I am nowhere near married!

My friend is a beautiful woman with a high-paying job in corporate America. She lives in a nice condo in the posh side of Atlanta and drives a luxurious vehicle that her father gave her as Christmas present when she relocated to Atlanta from Boston 3 years ago. She’s got it all – volunteers each Wednesday at a local school, travels each year to an exotic country, and is heavily involved in various professional associations in her field.

“My life is not going as I planned. My boyfriend and I broke up six months ago. I don’t think we’ll get back together. And even if I meet someone next week, I still won’t have enough time to plan a wedding and get married before next March.”

“I hear you. Marriage at 30 has been your dream and now, you don’t think it will happen.” I typed.

“Yes!” She wrote.

We IMed back and forth for the next hour and a half until she got called away from her desk and had to get back to work.

While I understood my friend’s sentiments, I did not feel as pressed about getting married by age 30 as she does. Sure she’s one year older than me. I may feel like her when I’m her age; but I doubt it. Here’s why:

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