The One Flaw That Always Made Me Feel Unpretty

pexels-photo-568027It’s not by happenstance that the tagline for my blog is “Her journey to self-love.” Falling in love with myself has been of importance to me and through my blog posts, I share what I’ve learned along the way. I’m not the only one on this mission. Millions of women around the globe struggle with insecurities and/or low self-esteem. I share my story in hopes that women will find it helpful in their healing.

My story begins with a condition I’ve had since birth. I was born with a droopy right eyelid, often called a lazy eye. The condition caused me to have difficulty seeing out of my right eye. In order to see objects, I would tilt my head so that the object before me would be seen with my left eye. Eye doctors worried that I’d lose vision in my right eye if it wasn’t being used enough. To avoid this, they prescribed an eyepatch for left eye. If my left eye is unavailable, I’d be forced to use my right eye. As a toddler, I also had surgery to raise my right eye lid.

My early childhood was filled with eye doctor appointments, eye exams, and silly comments from from and classmates who would often ask, “What’s wrong with your eye? Are you sleepy?” and my personal favorite, “Why is one of your eyes bigger than the other?” I hated going to eye doctor appointments. I regretted the fact that I had to wear an eyepatch. I wished I was born with normal eyes like my mom, dad, brothers and everyone else in my family.Read More »

No Choice But To Change

When the time comes for you to make a change, to grow, to do your life in a different way, the universe will make you so uncomfortable, so unhappy, you will eventually have no choice. If you insist on staying in a place you no longer belong in, if you do not grow the courage to do what is necessary to propel yourself forward, you will suffer the consequences, whatever they may be.

-Iyanla Vanzant

Kanye-Fidence: How To Land The Job You Want

kanye-west“Yo, Yaa Yaa,” my brother said, scrolling through his phone, “I got a text message about this cool startup company looking for people. You wanna work there?”

“Sure,” I said looking up from my MacBook filled with an inbox of endless emails from recruiters. I had been on the job hunt for three months. For the first time in my life, I was willing to step into something new, and for some reason, a startup seemed like the something new I was searching for.

“So yeah, let me get the contact person’s phone number,” my brother said, looking at his phone. “Just give him a call. Cool?”

About a half hour later, I called the recruiter. I mentioned that I was referred to this position. I mentioned my educational background, my strong interpersonal skills and of course, my previous experience working at a startup.

He was stunned. “I’m gonna let my recruiter know and give you a call back.”

Less than 24 hours later, his manager called me. “Yes, we’d like to interview you,” he said, “How’s tomorrow?”Read More »

What They Didn’t Tell Me About Being In A Relationship

S&T Healthy Relationship

No one told me it was going to be this way.

Not that this is a bad way; it’s just that no one really tells you about some of the ups and downs that you’ll experience in your first real relationship. Your annoying friend who is always making updates about your relationship status on Facebook and Twitter forgot to mention a few things.

I am in a relationship now and here are 8 things no one ever told me about being in a relationship.

1. You will feel like you have split personalities.

Before He came along, I was an interesting person with an array of interests. Spoken word, apple picking, dancing, kickboxing, traveling and blogging were all part of my life. I spent a lot of my free time with friends and family. But now, I’m in a relationship, trying to balance spending time with him and spending time with friends, family, and myself. I’m trying to keep my commitments to all birthday parties, housewarming extravaganzas, weddings, and every other social outing. I’m trying to keep church commitments, attend family events, spend quality time with the family, and act like my new “friend” will not subtract the time I spend with the closest people in my life.  I’m trying to blog regularly, exercise regularly, spend adequate time on my personal and professional development, and enjoy my precious “me” time. I am trying to act like a single person in a relationship and can we say exhausting? I literally feel like I have split personalities!

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That Simple Word That’s Hard To Say

That Simple Word That Is Hard To Say No

On this blog, I discuss my journey towards self-acceptance and high self-esteem. One of the quickest way to gauge self-esteem is to rate self-respect. An indicator of self-respect is one’s ability to say “no” when needed. It’s only the 16th day of the new year, but it seems as though 2014 will teach me how to say that two-letter word.

For a people pleaser like me, the consequences of telling someone “no” is something I fear. What if the person rescinds their friendship? What if I am no longer perceived as a “nice” girl? Or, better yet, what if I feel guilty afterwards.

At first thought, these fears appear valid. No one wants to be perceived as a jerk. I want to have as many friends as possible, and guilt is a companion that no one wants to live with. But what I have failed to realize until now is that saying “yes” to every request will only make me unhappy, bitter, and a doormat. Thinking of it this way makes saying “no” more appealing.Read More »

12 Things To Love About Me

My Abuser Part IILife has a way of wearing us down. The deadlines, priorities, setbacks, and obligations can all take a toll on  us, leaving us mentally and physically drained. After a breakup with the man in your dreams, the loss of a job, or an unpleasant situation, you may believe there is something wrong you, for why would you keep attracting negative outcomes? The most important lesson that I’ve learned in my late 20’s is to guard my thoughts. Make sure that only positive thoughts are dwelled upon and negative thoughts are deleted immediately.

Negative thoughts is something I struggle with daily. For that reason, I have created various activities to help build my self-esteem and improve my thinking. It’s not often that I dwell on my positive attributes, so that’s why I’ve developed an exercise that would help me reinforce my positive characteristics. Dwelling on my positive attributes will magnify those attributes and isn’t that what we all want?

I’ve created a list of my favorite attributes. I started it earlier this year and have been adding to it as time passes by. Here’s what I love about me:

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My Abuser (Part III): Tips for Dealing with The Inner Me

This post is Part III of my “Abuser” series. To catch up on the series, click on My Abuser and My Abuser (Part II): Story Behind the Post.

Woman Distraught

Two months ago, I shared with you my struggles with low self-esteem. I mentioned that oftentimes I felt like my inner voice was verbally abusive and at times, I was difficult for me to cope. I challenged you and anyone else struggling with low self-esteem to find a way to overcome these feelings of inadequacy.

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