Relationships

Dating In Your 30’s Vs Dating In Your 20’s

You can always tell a woman’s age by her attitude towards relationships. Women in their 20’s are constantly second-guessing themselves; worrying about maintaining their crush’s interest, and obsessing about how cute or athletic their beau is. Women in their 30’s, on the other hand, are purposeful. They don’t waste time; they have a five-year plan (which includes marriage), and they do not beat around the bush when stating their wishes.

There is a striking difference between my friends’ dating habits in their 20’s and their dating habits in their 30’s. I sometimes look at them and think, “My! Have you changed.” Here’s the difference between dating in your 20s vs dating in your 30s.

In your 20s, your time is often wasted. You meet a guy and he’s not who you want to marry, but he’s cute and fun, so you begin dating. You believe you’re in a relationship, but he never gives you a title. You keep dating him anyway, until one day he drops off the face of the planet and stops returning your calls and you’re left eating icecream with your homegirl and wondering, What did I do wrong?

In you 30’s every moment is accounted for. At 30, dates are no longer a sport, you’re on a mission. You fire important marriage focused questions during the talking stage like, When do you want to get married? Do you want to have children? What’s your five year plan? If his questions align with your future plans, then you’ll go on a date with him. As soon as he shows signs that even remotely resemble any other bad relationship you’ve been in, you exit stage left immediately. Ain’t nobody got time for that!

In your 20’s, you live by the theme song, Girls Just Want To Have Fun. The most attractive personality trait for a man you date is one who loves to have a good time. He’s adventuresome. He’s also the here-today-gone-tomorrow type of guy. But that’s cool with you, because you’re not looking to get married at anytime soon. You just want to have fun.

In your 30’s, your theme song is Put A Ring On It. Women in their 30’s are focused on many things, but the most significant one is the engagement ring she’s hoping to obtain. Her life choices are dictated by the fact that she is going to find a husband and settle down. Her future goals drive the career path she chooses. It dictates where she chooses to live and what her living arrangements are. It especially dictates who she dates. She start asking questions like, Will he be a good father to my children? and Will he take care of me when I’m old? In fact that adventuresome guy you would date in your 20’s is longer attractive to you in your 30’s.

In your 20’s, you blame yourself for anything that goes on in the relationship. I’ve talked about my worst date ever on my blog before. The guy I was dating at the time treated me so poorly, yet I still blamed myself for his behavior. It’s amazing how women can find flaws in themselves, when the guy they are with is a true jerk. This phenomenon changes as one ages.

In your 30’s, you state what you want and achieve it. Unapologetically. Women become more and more unapologetic for who you are and what they want. As my 30-something old friend told me one time without any hesitation, “I don’t do broke. The next guy I date will make a decent living.” Three years later, she’s married to a physician who makes at least six figures per year. She knew what she wanted and she achieved it, without second-guessing herself.

What age did you have the most fun dating – 20’s or 30’s?

 

 

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Job-Seeking

False Choice Between Babies and Startups

 

A couple of years ago, I was interviewing for a position at a start-up. I had been on the job-hunt for several months and was becoming more and more desperate to land a job. The interview was going very well. The interviewer seemed impressed with my experience and credentials, and we were developing a good rapport. Given the engaging conversation we were having, I didn’t think anything of it when he so casually asked me where I was living and whether I planned on moving away from home. In a sly manner, he added, “And you don’t plan on having children anytime soon, do you?”

It was so sudden that I didn’t even have a chance to think about it. I was 26 at the time, so having children was the furthest thing from my mind, for I was married to my career. I quickly answered, “No.”

He offered me the position the next day.

It wasn’t until several days later that I thought about the implication of his question.  Besides it being illegal to ask such a question during a job interview, I wondered whether I would have still been offered the position if I told him that I wanted to have children soon.

I’ve read numerous articles on how employers discriminates on women in their late 20’s and early 30’s for fear that they’ll devote more time to their children than to their company. I always thought this was ludicrous and believe that women can indeed become superwomen. We can have it all. The article below, written by Mrs. Zuhairah Scott Washington, General Manager at Uber-DC, clearly articulates my thoughts.

The False Choice Between Babies and Startups

Relationships, Social Issues

What To Consider Before Asking A Couple When They Are Getting Married

My boyfriend and I are approaching our 2 year anniversary and I just turned 30 years old. I understand why so many relatives and friends are becoming increasingly more curious about when will tie the knot.  As my elder no-nonsense cousin so eloquently stated during the early stages of my boyfriend and my relationship, “You’re not 19. What are his intentions?” It’s a valid question for me to consider.

I believe people are asking from a sincere place. They genuinely want me to be happy and they believe that marriage is one way to achieve happiness. They also want to make sure that I do it fast before time runs out and I can no longer give birth to babies. Many unmarried women in their mid-forties, who were focused on their career in their early thirties, regret the fact that they did not settle down earlier. Perhaps they want to ensure that I do not make the same mistake.

I get it.

But what I don’t understand is how some people feel the need to pressure you into making such a huge decision. We all know what pressure sounds like from our loved ones:

  • When are you getting married? (asked each time you see her/him)
  • When will I have a grandchild?
  • My son needs a playmate. Please tell me you’re going to have children next year.
  • You’re not getting any younger. You don’t want a high-risk pregnancy, do you?

Continue reading “What To Consider Before Asking A Couple When They Are Getting Married”

Media, Relationships, Reviews, Social Issues

Hollywood’s Deepest Secrets: A Movie Review of Beyond The Lights

BeyondTheLightsPhotoHollywood is more than just glamour, parties, and paparazzi. In some cases, Hollywood can take the best of you and leave you at the edge of a balcony ready to jump, as portrayed in the movie, Beyond The Lights.

Before this movie, I did not understand the motive and circumstances behind celebrity suicides. I’m not saying that I am an expert on it now, but I will say that I have a slight understanding of the psychology behind a celebrity’s motive to end her life. Continue reading “Hollywood’s Deepest Secrets: A Movie Review of Beyond The Lights”

Relationships

How To Identify The Relationship With No Happy Ending

No Happy EndingRecently, my friend mentioned to me that she was done with relationships that are “long stories.”  We all have friends who answer to questions about their boyfriend with a statement that begins, “Girl, let me tell you what happened yesterday!” Then, she proceeds to tell her version of a long story. The story can include a plethora of events, mostly ones featuring her boyfriend behaving badly. She may mention that she caught a questionable text message in his phone; he hasn’t been home for the past two nights; or that fact that she caught him in a lie. Long stories, according to my friend’s experience, never end well. Her advice: leave any man that gives you a long story and move on.

After she made her statement, I was trying to play devil’s advocate. I thought about my friends who are in relationships. Did any of them have a long story? I remembered a friend who got married recently. Her story was long until she became fed up with his foolishness and broke off the relationship. He changed and now, they are happily married. Continue reading “How To Identify The Relationship With No Happy Ending”