Along with dozens of other qualities I desire in a lifetime partner, his potential to make money, his current income, his beliefs and money practices have been recently added to the list.
This is a huge deal to me, for I always endorsed the fantasy that all I needed is love in a relationship in order for it to work. Nowadays, I believe money plays a more important role in relationships than I ever thought it would. Money is necessary for the basic things we need: shelter, food, water, and clothing. If a woman is dating a man who doesn’t have money, guess who will be spending money each time they go out. That’s right, she will. So, a woman’s decision to date a man who doesn’t have money affects her pocketbook.
Last night, I spent 45 minutes on the phone with a friend who has reached the same epiphany as me. Are we being superficial? is what we kept asking ourselves. But at the end of the conversation, our final conclusion was no. Money is extremely important in a marriage.
Research suggests that finances are one of the top reasons couples divorce. In fact couples with an annual income of $50,000 are less likely to divorce than couples with a lower annual income. This makes sense; money is what is needed to raise kids, maintain a home, purchase a house, keep the lights on, etc., so why wouldn’t it be important?
What I was telling my friend, however, is that we shouldn’t have a shallow perspective about money. In other words, I don’t want a man who spends an excessive amount of money on frivolous things or someone whose priorities are out-of-order. Now, you know who I’m talking about. The men who drive a S-Class Mercedes-Benz, but cannot afford their car note. Each month, they’re asking friends for money.
I want someone who has a healthy perspective on money. He saves some for a rainy day. He spends on what’s needed. He gives back when he can. Every now and again, he splurges (on me). But at the end of the day, he has financial goals. He thinks in terms of investments and stocks, instead of purchasing brand new cars and True Religion jeans. His career is promising. He has a strong work ethic. Our ideas about how money should be spent are similar. These principles will give the relationship a higher chance of being successful.
Anyone can make whatever assumptions they want to make about me. I know the type of lifestyle I want to live and what my financial needs are. Settling with someone who is “broke” won’t work for me. I ain’t sayin I’m a gold digger… (you know the rest).