Category: Relationships

I Think I Found Mr. Right

Scribbles and Tostitos7 Comments

mr-rightA woman gets tired of being let down. She gets tired of men cheating on her; she gets tired of being a man’s back-up plan. She gets tired of being mistreated. Time after time, her boyfriend breaks his promises and her eyes have no more tears to shed. Understanding that a dream must be written in order for it to be real, I recently wrote these words down in my journal. At that time, there was no ‘Mr. Right’ in the picture, but I was rest assured that with a little faith and patience, these words will one day be true. 

I met this guy who is PERFECT for me! Lord, thank you, thank you for saving me for him. He was sure worth the wait and even the heartbreaks that it took me to find him. It’s almost as if you created him for me. We mesh so well together. Like me,  he values family, education, loyalty, ambition, and a relationship with you. He even is celibate and is waiting until marriage to have sex! He is my same age, with only a few months older than me. Our experiences mirror one another. He is financially savvy and makes a lot of money. He doesn’t cheat and he doesn’t sneak around. He gives me space, but still makes time for us. Each day he strives to do something that shows his appreciation for me. He often says he doesn’t deserve me. He says that I am the best thing that could have ever happened to him.Read More »

I Ain’t Sayin I’m A Gold Digger…

Scribbles and TostitosLeave a comment

Along with dozens of other qualities I desire in a lifetime partner, his potential to make money, his current income, his beliefs and money practices have been recently added to the list.

This is a huge deal to me, for I always endorsed the fantasy that all I needed is love in a relationship in order for it to work. Nowadays, I believe money plays a more important role in relationships than I ever thought it would. Money is necessary for the basic things we need: shelter, food, water, and clothing. If a woman is dating a man who doesn’t have money, guess who will be spending money each time they go out. That’s right, she will. So, a woman’s decision to date a man who doesn’t have money affects her pocketbook.

Read More »

Vex Money: When My Date Left Me with the Check

Scribbles and Tostitos3 Comments

4977519058_a4c20f8942_zVIP admission at the premier dance club in Abuja, Nigeria, mixing and mingling with Naija (Nigerian) celebrities, and posh 5-star hotels: I was living the good life.

The guy and I met through a mutual friend during my stay in Abuja. A socialite, he was pretty popular around town; held prestigious job title at a well-known company, and had that “it” factor that would attract any woman.

Time spent with him was always something to look forward to. He had a good sense of humor and a charming personality. I had only been in Abuja for 4 weeks but he was becoming a good friend.

Besides his personality, I enjoyed the fact that when we were together, I always had a good time.  He granted me VIP admission in Abuja’s nightclubs, introduced me to local celebrities, and treated me to meals at the nicest restaurants in town.

Read More »

Marriage: Because The Beat Stops at 30

Scribbles and TostitosLeave a comment

Marriage Because The Beat StopsA few weeks ago, friend of mine IMed me in a frantic. “Do you have a moment? I need to talk.”

I finished whatever I was doing and IMed her back, “I’m all ears. What’s up?”

I will be 29 next week. Can you believe it? She writes. I am nowhere near married!

My friend is a beautiful woman with a high-paying job in corporate America. She lives in a nice condo in the posh side of Atlanta and drives a luxurious vehicle that her father gave her as Christmas present when she relocated to Atlanta from Boston 3 years ago. She’s got it all – volunteers each Wednesday at a local school, travels each year to an exotic country, and is heavily involved in various professional associations in her field.

“My life is not going as I planned. My boyfriend and I broke up six months ago. I don’t think we’ll get back together. And even if I meet someone next week, I still won’t have enough time to plan a wedding and get married before next March.”

“I hear you. Marriage at 30 has been your dream and now, you don’t think it will happen.” I typed.

“Yes!” She wrote.

We IMed back and forth for the next hour and a half until she got called away from her desk and had to get back to work.

While I understood my friend’s sentiments, I did not feel as pressed about getting married by age 30 as she does. Sure she’s one year older than me. I may feel like her when I’m her age; but I doubt it. Here’s why:

Read More »

Celebrate You

Scribbles and TostitosLeave a comment

Man Surprising Woman with GiftI was once involved with a man who did not understand why I made such a huge fuss about my birthday. “It’s just another day,” he’d say to me, as I’d look for the perfect restaurant to hold a dinner party; the perfect dress to wear at the perfect dinner party; and the accessories to complement perfection.

As my special day drew closer, I’d say to him, “What are you getting me for my birthday?” He’d never respond, but somehow, I managed to convince myself that he’d do something special for me on my birthday.  Three years is how long we had known each other and I knew that the length of time that I had known him guaranteed that I would receive a birthday present from him. On my day of birth, he sent me a Skype message that read, “Happy Birthday.” I did not respond. Birthday wishes brought to me via Skype instant messenger could not be my birthday present. He knows how much I appreciate phone calls from my friends. And he was my best friend.Read More »

Why Self-Love?

Scribbles and Tostitos4 Comments

“Self-love?” my male cousin asked, “I know a lot of women who love themselves.”

“I know a lot of women who don’t.” I challenged.

Poor self-esteem is one of the root causes of relationship problems for both men and women. Women, in constant search for validation, will look for a man who will tell her she is beautiful; she is valuable; and she is desirable. The sad part is that once she is receiving these intangibles from a man, it is difficult for her to see clearly. Although the man may be interested in her, she may be oblivious to the fact that he is emotionally unavailable. Perhaps, he may already be in a relationship or unable to commit for various reasons.

A co-worker once told me that I was a nice girl, but I was a lot of work. He’d rather date a woman who was little maintenance. If I’m over here telling a man that he has to pull his pants up, treat me with some respect, and wait for me. If I insist that he has his stuff together before he approaches me, there’s another woman somewhere who doesn’t demand it.

Read More »

For The Man Who Says He’s Not Intimidated (Part 2)

Scribbles and Tostitos2 Comments

I really hate when women say guys are intimidated because none are. What we are at times is deeply overawed & impressed by your degrees, attitude, classiness, and achievements. What we are at times is fearful that you’ll be the stereotypical feminist/ I cant wait to out perform a man…as if there was a competition. What we really fear is that while you’ve accomplished things like good credit, career, degrees, and a home that you’ll still miserably fail to respect me as a man.

– Male S&T Reader

 

For The Man Who Says He’s Not Intimidated (Part I) inspired an incredible discussion in my comment section. Thank you to all those who commented. I have not forgotten you. In fact, my plan is respond to your comments when I can.

Now on to the purpose of Part 2. I wanted to discuss this in Part 1, but I did not want to elongate the post or depart from my initial message.

What I failed to tell you is that one year following the guy and my last date, he sent me a text message. We hadn’t been in contact previously, so it was a bit of a surprise for me to hear from him. The first text was pretty simple; he just wanted to know how I was doing. But the second text, where he told me how he was doing, put a smile to my face. It read:Read More »

A Funny Double-Blind Date Story

Scribbles and TostitosLeave a comment

“Yaa, get dressed and be at my place in an hour. We’re going on a blind double date.”

My homegirl lived 45 minutes away, so I barely had enough time to get dolled up. I grabbed my red overnight suitcase in my closet, threw my cutest clothes in it, brushed my hair, grabbed a toothbrush, and some perfume and ran out the door.

I was getting dressed at her place when my homegirl updated me on our dates, “They’re about 27 and I think they work in accounting and IT. My date and your date are best friends. I met my date on a social networking website, so I haven’t officially met him yet.”

I was excited and nervous at the same time. I knew that the evening would end up being a funny story. I climbed in my homegirl’s car and we drove to meet the guys at a restaurant about 5 minutes away. “Hurry, Yaa,” she said as we rushing out the door, “They’re already there.”Read More »

He Pays/She Pays: A Recovering Independent Woman’s View on Going 50/50

Scribbles and Tostitos4 Comments

When he said he wanted to go 50/50, I knew that this would be the last time I’d ever see him again. – A Girl Friend

If she had said this to me two years ago, I would not have hesitated to challenge her with an eloquent argument about how going 50/50 is the best way to handle dating and relationships in general. In those days, I believed that Independent Woman should rise together and send men the message that we don’t need them. We can take care of ourselves. Slowly, I am recovering from this wayward way of thinking, so when she uttered these words, I simply nodded in agreement.

Like anything else in my life, I had to undergo a few tough experiences before I transformed my way of thinking. Although there may have been dozens of other situations that may occurred in my life that helped me re-evaluate whether to go dutch, these three scenarios listed below are the ones that are most memorable.

Read More »

Where He Took Me For Our First Date (A Restaurant Review)

Scribbles and TostitosLeave a comment
Mimosas, Biscuits & Jam
Mimosa, Biscuits & Jam

Two weeks ago, I solicited your advice about which restaurant to choose for my first date with a guy. After much contemplation, I decided to go with a restaurant in the Low-Key-Yet-Nice-Vibes category. I selected Park’s Edge for brunch on a Saturday afternoon.

He picked me up at 12:30pm and we arrived at Park’s Edge at around 1:30pm. Yelp reviews advised that a reservation should be made for brunch on Saturday and Sundays, as they tend to get quite busy on the weekends, so a reservation was made for 1:30.

We arrived on time and surprised ourselves at how successful we were at finding street parking at a building that offered limited parking options. Park’s Edge is located in a residential area, which makes it difficult to find. Fortunately, management noticed this fact and are in the process of relocating to a new location. Read More »

For The Man Who Says He’s Not Intimidated (Part 1)

Scribbles and Tostitos5 Comments

We met while I was a graduate school student in Boston. He was an employee in the library I frequented. He’d restock bookshelves and monitor the computer lab while I studied for exams and completed school projects. Coincidentally, our schedule were similar so we would see each other in the library  often.

During my study breaks, I’d strike up a conversation with him. He was a Boston native, who was pursuing a career in the entertainment industry. When he wasn’t working in the library, he was exercising, preparing for gigs, or taking care of his three younger brothers and sisters. He was an attractive guy: the type of guy that made you do a double take when you saw him walking down the street. In nicely tailored suits and trousers, one would think he’d just step out of a GQ Magazine. A career in acting was very promising for him, for he was also talented. I was impressed by him and wanted to get to know him better.

What was a bit of a turn-off for me, however, was his constant reminder of how smart I was. “You have like 5 degrees,” he’d often tell me, “You’re like super-smart. Not like me. I am still working on my GED.” The fact that he was not a public health student was one of the reasons I was initially attracted to him. My days in graduate school were already filled with discussions on correlations, epidemiological studies, and cultural competency, so a short break from these discussions were welcomed and appreciated, and that’s what he provided.Read More »

When She Lowered Her Standards

Scribbles and Tostitos4 Comments

I’m tired of you playing these word games. Either you come over my house this evening, or I’ll call someone else to come over. The choice is yours. – A Boy

When I heard him say these words, I became both shocked and disgusted.  He couldn’t possibly mean what he was saying was my initial reaction and after that, I was disgusted. Disgusted for two reasons:

  1. Apparently this boy had lost his mind. Did he just give me an ultimatum? I don’t need you in my life. I’m good.
  2. Although his statement appeared a bit arrogant, he was right. There is another woman somewhere in the city of Atlanta who will happily bring her happy behind to his place at the drop of a hat.Read More »

Where Should He Take Me On Our First Date?

Scribbles and Tostitos4 Comments

I have never been a huge fan of casual dating, but as my twenties come to an end, I’ve started to realize that I should embrace the single ride while it lasts.  I am quite sure that one day – when I am married with kids – I’ll want to return to my carefree days, where flirting was my pastime and dating was my sport.

So here I am – preparing for yet another first date with a guy who was introduced to me by a mutual friend. He’s new to the Atlanta area and since I have been a member of the Yelp Elite for the past three years, it is only fitting that I choose the restaurant.  Initially, I was happy that he asked me to choose; but given the fact that there are over 3,000 restaurants in the Atlanta area, choosing one can be a bit daunting.Read More »

A Man’s New Pick-Up Line

Scribbles and Tostitos1 Comment

OK, men, I get it. Her beauty puts you at a loss for words. Her presence may even put you on edge: you stutter when you’re suppose to talk smoothly. You stare when you’re supposed to smile cooly. You offer a girly giggle when you’re suppose to flash one of your mysterious smirks.  You are nervous when that beautiful woman crosses your path. But why does that anxiety make a woman regret giving you a millisecond of their time? Let me explain.Read More »

Conversation With The Ex

Scribbles and Tostitos3 Comments

ConversationWithEx - PhotoHim: Hi, How are you?

What You Want To Say: What in the world do you want? Oh Gosh, I’ve been thinking about you all day. Is that why you just texted me right now? Happens all the time. I thought about you and now you’re texting me. Dang it!

What You Really Say: Hi, I am fabulous! How are you?

Him: I’m doing great. How’s life? How’s your family? Work?

What You Want To Say: You have no business knowing what I’m doing in my life anymore. Stop acting like you care, because if you cared, we’d be together right now.Read More »

A Love Story for Valentine’s Day

Scribbles and Tostitos3 Comments

Love Story - Main PicValentine’s days in middle school were always fun and interesting.

Girls distributed candy and Valentine cards to everyone they knew. Boys gave their girlfriends chocolate covered hearts and teachers made pitiful attempts to teach a class full of distracted students.

This particular Valentine’s Day started off as nothing special. I received the usual Valentine’s gift from my Mom – a red Guess t-shirt, a Valentine’s day card, a teddy bear, Snickers, Skittles, and a heart shaped balloon. My hands were pretty full, but these were the typical presents I usually received from Mom on Valentine’s Day.

I arrived at school at my normal time, greeted my girl friends as usual, and exchanged presents with them. This was the normal routine for a Valentine’s Day in middle school. Nothing special.

In fact, nothing special occurred until lunchtime. In middle school, all things interesting occurred during lunch time.Read More »

Single Ladies’ Guide for Getting a Date for Valentine’s Day

Scribbles and TostitosLeave a comment

Single Ladies' Guide - Be Mine Photo

Many single women around the globe are quietly thinking to themselves, “Now, how will I find a date for Valentine’s Day?” Look no further; S&T’s has the formula for attracting the man you want.

Ready?

Here it is:

LISTEN.

“What?” You’re asking.

LISTEN to him while he speaks to you.

 You’re puzzled, I know.

Let me show you what I’m talking about.Read More »

A Childhood Story About Heartbreak

Scribbles and Tostitos8 Comments
A Woman's First Heartbreak
blog.tenbit.pl

When I am faced with hardships, I let my mind wander to previous setbacks in my life, where I thought my life was going to end.  A slight smile creeps across my face when my mind lands on the time a boy broke my heart, by humiliating me in front of my classmates in middle school. When it happened, I was devastated; I thought I’d never recover. Now, 15 years later, I laugh at the story. How silly was I to be so distraught over a silly remark from a boy.

Read More »